how to cope
i'm not stating. i'm asking.
so i told you months ago that izzy has been a contrarian lately (how can i convey that in a halloween costume?), and nothing has changed. if she's mad at us, she will take a normally well-loved stuffed toy and chuck it. but then she screams for it as if we were the dastardly ones that threw it. or she asks for something and then say "no ____!" it's quite frustrating. i've tried firmly explaining how annoying this is, but she screams at me to stop. guh! point izzy.
since she is 2.5 years old now, she has had tantrums galore. half the time, i feel i can handle it and really do handle it. it's been a combo of timeouts, firm stares and walking away. of course, this is only do-able at home and with her safety in mind. i've also tried reasoning with her when she is screaming unintelligible rants, but she just ends up screaming over me now. so...point izzy.
one of the most dangerous things she does now is run around in parking lots trying to get away from me, as if i silently initiated a chase game by looking at her. it scares me so bad that i bark at her to stop, which i'm sure totally makes me look like "one of those moms." meanwhile, she just laughs. duh for points.
oh yeah. she has smacked me in the face a few times too. horribly shocking and infuriating, because i myself have never done that to someone. at least, not that i know of.
so i beg you experienced moms and successful moms and knowledgeable nannies/sitters--how do i get my child to listen to me? am i experiencing a phase, or is my kid just out-right naughty? i'll be eating chocolate waiting for your advice.
5 comments:
Amanda I am so sorry that you have to experience this yucky phase of Izzy's. I think every parent secretly hopes that their child won't go through it. I am no expert and certainly don't claim to know all, I only know what has worked with my kids. I think every child goes through this to some extent or another but how we handle it determines how long the phase lasts. Lila was completely unaffected by almost all forms of punishment, time out were nothing to her and so was taking away toys or not giving her treats. The only thing that worked was total confinement. If she would run away from me ever then she would either have to scream her little guts out being buckled in a shopping cart or go back to her carseat and be buckled in there for a while. If she was acting out at home I would put her in an old carseat we had and put her in the bathroom with the lights off, sounds horrible I know, but I had to figure something out that she didn't like. She threw a toy at Launi one time and then cried for the toy back, Jake made her throw it in the garbage. That also sounds drastic but she never threw a toy again. Every kid is so different though and Izzy is really such a sweetie that I'm sure she is just trying out a new little phase. Lila needed to see the cause and affect immediately to get the pint across. Oh 2 1/2 year olds, how fun they can be and how trying they can be at the same time. Good luck.
Wish I had advice. I'm still trying to figure it out. Unfortunately, year 3 was way worse than 2 for us.
Man, I'm so behind on blogs, but I thought your comment on my last post was so funny and it sparked in me that it's been a while since I took time to venture over. So here I am.
What you're going through now is what I experienced with Asher, BIG TIME. Just to make you feel better a month ago he chucked a chair at my head, mind you it was very light, but a CHAIR!
Okay, so I'm going to be totally open when I say that my...ahem...therapist has given me lots of great advice, but my instinct of how I should deal with this cuhrazeeee behavior has been right all along. Which is don't let him get to me. Basically you cut your emotions off and you become a robot. Here's my routine. Be consistent. Even if she's slapping you in the face, remain calm...remain calm, punish her in the way that you and Pete have agreed on, but the whole time remain calm. Asher will not stay in time out so I strap him in a booster seat and he screams at me, he tells me he hates me, he tells me I'm mean, but I remain firm. He stays in until he's calm. People say keep them in the amount of time that equals to their age ex. 3 years=3 minutes. I don't do that, I did, but now I just say he's there until I feel like he's not bonkers or just not going to beat on me. Seriously, he hits my and scratches me and pinches me until I have strapped him in and left. You're thinking, that's nuts, but since I remain calm, he ALWAYS apologizes later, because he sees how out of control he is and sees how in control I am. He knows he's behaved badly and then I give him a big hug with all sincerity. Hugging is sooo important, because he knows that I still love him. Growing up with an Asian mom, I never saw that and frankly, it would have helped to have a hug or two. So I makes sure Asher still knows I love him, despite his actions, but he also knows I don't approve of them. Here's where therapy speech comes in, because you own it as a mom, he sees that he can't get away with it and also sees that the world isn't fragile, when I break down, he will more easily break down.
Keep it up, she'll come around, but it's going to take lots of tears, sweat, and time. Sorry about the TMI.
I feel like he's not bonkers or just not going to beat on me. Seriously, he hits my and scratches me and pinches me until I have strapped him in and left. You're thinking, that's nuts, but since I remain calm
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