get used to it
after talking to a few people lately and reading other friends' blogs who are also moms, this topic came up:
so in an economic downturn and the intro of a child into my life, i am reminded of my days growing up in the angel household. (*angel was my maiden name, if you're confused.) to preface, both of my parents worked. my dad was always blue collar worker, and my mom worked several thankless and fruitless jobs just to help make ends meet. we weren't poverty-stricken, but we certainly were not rich. i'd say maybe middle middle-class. maybe.
anyway, we always ate home-cooked meals cuz it was cheaper. take out or eating out was reserved for special occasions such as birthdays or holidays. we even learned to cook on our own at a young age. fixing things ourselves was understood unless it was an item that required more expertise. clothing was traded among family members and friends, and my mom became an expert at finding sales and used clothing stores. needless to say, much of my clothing growing up was not that cool. thankfully, in high school, fashion was whatever i could make of it by scouring the thrift stores. asking for things required lots and lots of chores or getting an "a" on such-and-such test to get desired thing. many times, it was just "no, you can't have that right now."
well, my point of this whole story is that i want my children to know what "no" means. i've been introduced to the idea that you shouldn't tell your kids "no" too much, but i've never gotten the same reason for why you shouldn't say "no." coming from an upbringing like mine, "no" was normal. it was always heartbreaking, but it was the only option sometimes.
what is the deal? is there a study somewhere that proves that saying "no" harms a child mentally or emotionally? if there is, i want to read it cuz i don't believe it. are parents afraid of saying it, cuz they fear the backlash from the child? um, you're the boss. not the kid. are kids better off in the long run if they do get what they want every time? duh...no!
if you disagree with me, please tell me why i am wrong. i appreciate hearing other people's opinions, and i won't be mean about it. i just have strong opinions about this. if you agree, then holla!
6 comments:
I could not agree with you more. In my opinion kids need to hear "no", how else will they learn that things won't always go there way? Kids need to learn that just because we won't do or give them what they want it doesn't mean we don't love them, it is just part of life. If we can teach our kids this then they will understand compromise and working for things themselves for the rest of their lives. Parents need to suck it up here and there and be the bad guy sometimes.
AMEN Amanda! I am around kids ALL day long and it shocks me how often parents are too scared to say no or to discipline. I think you do your children a great disservice when you let them think that they rule the roost. I am quite strict, not mean, but the kids I watch know what to expect from me...and guess what, they don't hate me and we have loads of fun! Now that I've said this I'm sure my future kids are going to be super-beasts! Oh Boy...I'll try and blame that on Daniel.
the world isn't going to say yes to your kids all the time, so why should you?
spending a year in japan teaching kids will convince you that all kids need to be told no more often.
DAME!
We are totally part of the Gimme Generation and we are now raising an even more selfish and dependent generation. God forbid we hurt a child's feelings. Ever. God forbid we EVER say 'no.' God forbid we set boundaries or rules. Households should be 'democracies.' No they shouldn't. Democracies lead to mob rule and irrational thinking. Families are mini-Republics and parents are the mini-governments that have been given the authority and responsibility to delegate other responsibilities to their young and to set limitations.
I wasn't told 'no' nearly enough as a child and it took me a long time to get to a point in my life where I could take responsibility for my actions and take care of myself...I think you saw that first hand.
Cliff was told 'no' and I want Emma to be told 'no.' 'No' is an important word and it isn't used enough in American families.
Props to you for this blog girlfriend!
so working with kid we are taught not to JUST say "no", but to elaborate, Jimmy it is not safe to run in the street, do not do it".."we don;t hit our friends, it makes them sad", ect. In that aspect I have heard not to simply say "no", or to "overuse "no" because it teaches little and the effect of it wears off. All of this is true, but I have never heard that denying a child something by saying no shouldnt be done. Thats called structure, and rules i think. I think you are beyond right. When they come to expect that everyhting they want they get it becomes a problem. In my own home we are having a hard time teaching our three year old that just because she says "please" when she requests somehting doesn't means she gets it...so long rant short...no in the teaching aspect is not the most effective tool, no in the setting limits aspect a nessicary tool. (in my opinion that is)
Michele is strict. She wouldn't let me eat a whole chocolate cake the other day. Just kidding. Actually, Michele is very good with children, she's been in the sunbeam calling for a while, recently released, and did a fantastic job. Mainly, because she was firm.
My mom was like yours I'm sure and I feel like we're really close now. I don't think I was harmed in any way by being told no. I do know that you can say no in other ways. For example, saying we only hit drums not people or stay off that really tall stool or you'll get hurt. I don't know, but I keep on hearing on the radio that the one of the differences of being raised in a low-income family and a middle class family is the amount of negative language versus positive language being heard.
Post a Comment